the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
