I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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