What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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