They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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