Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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