Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
