matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
