He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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