But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
