When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
