we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
