just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
