All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
