I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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