Swine flu. Run for my life!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
