I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
