Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
