Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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