just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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