his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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