There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
