I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
