I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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