I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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