she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
