I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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