god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
