You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
