I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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