So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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