You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
