i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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