i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
