It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize