I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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