I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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