If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
