Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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