somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
