don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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