a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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