I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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