and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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