I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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