I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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