Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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