Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
