i think i have two assholes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
