thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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