ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
