I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
