i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
