I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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