Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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