im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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