God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
