We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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