You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
