Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
