Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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