I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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