i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
