My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
