the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
