my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
