I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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