Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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