Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
