hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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